Where's That Girl ?

Adri mga9ra m3km.. adri.. and I'm sorry. Something has happend recently and.. well.. I kinda lost myself. So once i find that girl again.. I'll be back. But I promise I wont stop blogging. I love it and writing is a passion of mine. I cant imagine my life without writing.

Just now I wrote this.. and well I wanted to share it with you all..






She was once a free spirit
The girl with the widest smile
The girl they adored
But where is she now ?

She's all alone in that dark room
Afraid to come out
Afraid to face the world again
Afraid to trust in love again

Each second of every day she breaks down
She cries her self to sleep
And sometimes she doesnt know why

She lives in misery and hearache now
Hoping it would end
Praying she could be that girl
The girl with the widest smile again

She wears a mask everyday
To hide the pain inside
Not wanting anyone to know
Because they'll never understand
Saying its "just a phase"

But it's not...
It's as real as the blood in her veins

This is what her life has turned into

PURE darkness

She's terrified of everything around her
Including herself

She keeps it all inside
Hiding away in that dark room

Hallah Bl 7lweeeeeeeeeen !!! ;**

Sorry I haven't posted in 2 days ;O
Bs you know it's rama'6an oo I'm always busy during this time.
You don't know how much I'd kill to write a post write now!! Bs it needs my full concentration and effort.
Inshallah b7awl aktblkm post bkrah BS lw ma gdrt wa3aaaaaad b3d bkrah ! deal ??? ;p

Kaif el 9yam m3km? 3asa my emta3bkm ?
Ana el7mdelah la2ani a9oon ethneen oo 5amees, ma 9arat t-thaygnii ashwa !!!

Now its like 9 am and im not sleepy -_- and its so annoying cause everybody I know is asleep and I'm all alone !!

Hmmmmm let's see what shall I ramble on about ?

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OH !!!!

My birthday is coming up in 9 days ;D
and aghhh im super excitied !!
I can't wait !!

You know when you have alot to say but nothing seems to walk on your tongue ?
-___________________-

Ok I guess this is probably a sign for me to go to sleep huh ?
Yeah I think I'm gonna try that approach hehe..

I love you all my pretties !!
Bs mmkn a6lb mnkm 6alab ...
aby more comments from silent readers plzzzzz !!!

Goodnight or ummmm.. goodmorning? Oh whatever yallah both ;p

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah !!! ;**

What Fate Holds For Me 18

Kl 3am w entom b5air my pretties !!!!!!!!!!!

Wow I cant believe how fast this year has gone by..

A7la shay 3ndi rama'6an wallah.. me and my whole family get together and well it's amazing!! :D

Also my B-day is coming up on the 25th of this month so I'm really siked about that !!

Sorry I didn't post the past two days.. ensha'3alt shway..

So here's a JUICY post for you all.. I LOVE YOU !!!! ;**

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FORGET WHAT ?!

Fahad lives in London...

Did you guys plan on being on the same plane or something ?

No ofcourse not! Were over.. I haven't spoken to him since I ended things.

I cannot believe we have to spend 7 hours on a plane with that jackass!

Hey it's not all that bad. I mean why let him ruin this for us.. He's probably not in first class anyways..

Oh yeah? Well then why is he sitting 2 rows behind us ?

Farah relax ok. I'm stresed out about this even more than you are ok !

Fahad and I exchanged glances but that was about it. It was a dead straight stare that lasted a second. He walked straight passed us like we were compltete strangers. I have to say I was relieved and disapointed at the same time. I mean a hello would have been nice. Or maybe I'm just being emotional right now. Me and him are over, I shouldnt even think twice about him.

The flight was peachful I must say. Fahad and I didn't cross paths once. Farah and I chatted and watched movies. It was a really good flight. See, thats the thing I love about flying. You get to talk and get closer to the person your with. And Farah and I definitley bonded in those 7 hours.

Once we landed we had a driver waiting for us at the gate.

We gathered our luggage and made our way out to the car.

But before I could even step foot in the car, I felt someone pulling me back.

I have to go..

Please, this will only take a second..

I'm sorry were we not on the same flight'? Seven hours, and now you choose to speak to me ?

I know, I was cold. But you were too.

I have a right to be !!!!

Listen I don't wanna keep you long, but can I call you? We'll go have lunch or something. I just wanna talk to you.

Yeah well it's a little too late for that. Goodbye Bader.

Hey you ok ?

Let's just go.

We finally arrived to our apartment after a half an hour drive. We were exhausted!

It was already 2 am.

Deciding to unpack the next day, we eneded the night.

The next morning we woke up bright and early to start unpacking. After that we went on down to Marks and Spencer and did a little grocery shopping. Our fridge was nothing but empty!! Well there was a little bottle of ketchup but that doesn't really count.. heheheheheh...

Later we dropped off the bags at the apartment and went to lunch. There was this cute little italian restaraunt right across the street from Harrods. I've been dying to take Farah there. I've been there over a hundred times! I love it there. It's so cozy, plus I know the entire staff. So theres no problem with me going alone at times. They always keep me company.

I love it !

Haha told you. Oh don't look now but I think that guy behind you is checking you out.

Or maybe he's checking you out.

Nah I'd know.

Well what should I do ?

Haha you haven't even seen him !

Hey! you wouldn't have mentioned it if he wasn't good looking.

Ok well Í'm gonna head on down to the ladies room.

You know I love you right ?

Who doesn't ? *wink*

The guy behind Farah was absolutley gorgeous !!!! He was tanned. Wearing dark blue jeans. A black v neck t-shirt and A white ralph lauren sweater. He was simply to die for! I have to admit I was a bit jelouse hehe..

The minute I got up he rose to make his way over to Farah. I gave him a smile and walked off.

Excuse me ?

Yes?

Mind if I sit down ?

Uhh no not at all. Please.

Sorry for intruding on your lunch with your friend. But I saw you guys when you walked in.

Oh? Well I'm Farah.

A7mad..

Nice to meet you..

So are you guys on vacation ?

No actually my friend is in her last year in uni and I'm staying with her for the rest of the year.

Oh so you already graduated?

Yeah, I'm a year older than her.

I see.. well I've been living her for the past 2 years. I just wanted to get away from the middle east for a bit.

I know what you mean.. change is always good.

Here come's your friend.. I should probably leave you two..

Oh.. ok.. well it was really nice meeting you...

Hey so what did I miss ?

You missed nothing. But I just missed the chance of getting his number.

Ouch! What happend ?

YOU HAPPEND !!

I'm sorry sweetie..

But you see Farah was in luck. Just as we were about to the step foot out the door A7mad rushed after Farah. He asked for her number wanting to see her again. 7beebty she was so happy. I could see it in her eyes. She felt something with this guy. I was happy for her. If not me, then her.

Later that night after our shopping in Sloane Street we were exhausted. We ordered Chinese take out and watched a couple of silly old chick flicks. We always liked commenting and making fun of the dumb blondes.

During the movie I get a knock the door. It was the door man saying someone had left something for me.

It was a red bag with.. need I say more?

The name Cartier plastered on it.

I pulled out the >>TWO<<>

Hey what you got there ?

Someone just left this for me ..

Cartier.. wow.. someone must really like you...

I can only think of one person who would send me such a gift..

Fahad? You don't think he would .. I mean .. no way..

You obviously don't know Fahad..

Well open it..

I opened the first box and inside was the 3 ring Trinity necklace. It was absolutely gorgeous!

I then opened the second box and this time my jaw dropped wide open!

Oh.. my... god !!! OH MY GOD !!!! It's gorgeous !!!

Damn.. I guess he really does love you..

We were both in total shock!

How could Fahad do something like this.. Two gifts !!!

There was a card as well...

I bet your screaming your head off right now aren't you ?

3leeki bl 3afya Hadeel 7beebty..

I couldn't give you just one gift.. You deserve a whole lot more..

And you know that if I could give the world, I would.

I thought one casual necklace you could wear anytime and one special one.

I knew the diamond necklace would suit you perfectly.

You deserve the absolute best Hadeel, I'm sorry for what I put you through..

I just hope you can somehow find it in your heart to forgive me..

And this isn't me bribing you, don't let Farah get into your head.

I was just walking past the store and thought of you..

I love you Hadeel Al-X..

My eyes started to water.

A smile suddenly appeared on my face.

Farah knew what my next move was.

She handed me my cell phone.

Go for it..

What Fate Holds For Me 17

I know its short ;/
But I promise a longer one tommorow!
I love you all my PRETTIES !! ;**





Why would Fahad threaten Bader to stay away from me? I mean I could ask him right? But then he'd make a huge deal out of it. Saying that I was taking Bader's side and all that load of crap. But either way I had to confront him, he had to know that I went to see Bader and what he told me.



I was just trying to protect you.

I don't need protecting! You told me that you trusted me and that you would leave it alone! Now I hear that you threatend Bader!

He bothers me. Don't I have the right ---

No! You have no right what so ever! This is my life and he is my friend!

So when's the part where I swoop in with an apology ?

You know what.... were done! I can't be with someone who is so self centered that he cant even think about anybody other than himself!!

Why dont you go rest and we'll talk first thing in the morning.

I'm not a puppet on a string Fahad. You cant controle me whenever you want !!!!!!!!!!!!



I had no other choice. He wasn't taking me or the matter seriously. How can I be with someone like that? Sultan was right. This guy wasn't good enough for me.

Just two more weeks to go, then I'm back in London for my last year.



I'm not gonna judge. If this is what you really want then I support you, even if you choose to take Fahad back.

Thank's 7beebty. But I think I'm gonna stay away fromt he dating world for a bit..

Hey umm I just have a question... Did you love him ?

............. Yeah.... I did..... But he never said it me.. and it would have been so awkward if I had said it first.....

Sweetie I'm so sorry... I... wow I just wanna kill him right now.

Would it be so terrible if I said that I wanted him next to me right now ?

No sweetie it wouldn't. You loved him and he hurt you. It's only natural. But it'll take time and I'll be here with you whenever you need me.

Can I ask you for a favor ?

Sure anything.

Come stay with me in London.

Hahahaha I think that's more of a demand .

I just need my best friend. And those last 3 years spent without you killed me!

Say no more.



Farah went and spoke with her parents and thank God they agreed. She's a year older than me and had already gradyated last year from university so there was nothing really much keeping her here.

Just 2 more weeks and I'll be gone from here. I couldn't wait. There was just so much drama going on, and I needed to get away from it all.




2 WEEKS LATER ...



We were finaly leaving. I was excited, yet at the same time scared. Excited because I get to leave all the drama behind. And scared cause I was leaving Bader behind. I still didn't get the chance to restore our friendship. He was such a sweet and geniuine guy, and I just let him slip away.

Alot was going on the past 2 weeks that I didn't have the courage to face him again. I would constantly give myself excuses to talk to him the next day. But now I have a permanent excuse, I was leaving for a year. I even tried calling him on our way to the airport but it would go straight to voicemail. I knew he was busy with his sister and all but I was still so worried about him. He's been through so much... I kinda feel like some of it was my fault.



You know you live in your thoughts more than you do in reality?

Thanks, I didn't know that.

C'mon were gonna be in London tomorrow. You'll start uni in a couple days... oh wait hey what am I gonna do ?

Haha we'll figuire something out don't worry. Oh hey what about you and Haitham?

You need me now. He'll just have to wait.

Babe I'm so sorry.. But you liked him so much.

I know, but their are still plenty other fish in the sea.

Are you guys like still gonna keep in touch ?

What's the point? Whatever I can forget him.......... OH and I think I just did!!! Damnnnn look at that hottie !!!

Hahahahahahah oh my god are you serious? That's just the back of his head!

Uh yeah! A very cute back of a head. I mean look at him. Low waist jeans. White t-shirt. Grey sweater. Aghh such a hot look.. Ok now turn around... turn around... c'mon... turn ---

Ok will you please stop, your annoying me.

Shhh!!! .... turn around.. turn around tu--- Oh no please turn back around...

Oh yeah.. I forgot.....

This Post Is For *Anonymous*

No problem at all.

Well as mentioned in the story, Hadeel's parents are "early birds". They go to bed early. Which is why Farah was the one who went down and opened the door for Fahad. This is all just part of the story.

I'm sorry if it somehow offended you in some way ?

And as for me, well nothing like that ever goes on with me. No man has ever been snucked into my house or will ever be for that matter. I'm not trying to sound rude. Bs it's just not me. Some girls may be ok with the idea, and I'm not judging them. Some are cool with it, and some are simply not. Just because I added this scene to my story, doesnt mean I have ever done it.

So I hope that answers your question. And again I'm sorry if that little scene offended you.




- Oh and my PRETTIES, I wrote the post but the computer shut down due to low batterý and since I was typing on and on non stop, it didn't get a chance to automaticaly save like it always does. But I remember everything so no worries. Inshallah by tommorow afternoon it'll be posted. I just really had to get back to this question I've been asked.

I love you all ! ;**

What Fate Holds For Me 16 B.

MY PRETTIES!!
Sorry I couldn't post yesterday. R7t m3 my grandmother saweenah 3mrah.. :)
I just love the feeling you get after you've done it. I dont know how to describe it, but its one amazing feeling.. :)
So here is part B .. I love you all ;**

OH!! And 7awoor, N, and Doona , WALAW !! Im only speaking the truth 7abaybe.. I love each and every one of you. This post is dedicated to you !! Muuuuuuwah !!

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What was that all about ?

What are you talking about ?

You and Farah, seemed like something was going on over there ...

7beebty your tired. Your just being a bit delusional. Try to relax.

DELUSIONAL ?!

I didn't mean it that way.. I just meant your tired and all.. so your just ---

Being delusional ?

7beebty I'm sorry ..

Whatever, just start the movie.

7ather..



Something wasn't right. And I know I wasn't being delusional. How dare he say that!! But I wasn't going to worry about it now. I already have too much on my plate. I missed out on the clinic today and that's really bombing me out. Bader isn't speaking to me which is really starting to irritate me. And on top of it all I feel like my head is gonna explode and that my throat is cutting in so deep!

That night Fahad and I didn't talk much. I fell asleep in the middle of the movie.

So the next day I was feeling surprisingly alot better so I decided to head back into the clinic. But the thing was Bader wasn't there. And his sister was checked out. Is she ok ? Is he ok ?

I tried dialing his number multiple times but it would go straight to voicemail. I was starting to get alot worried. I just had to be patient. After all, there wasn't much I could do.

Later that evening I met up with Farah at a nice cozy little restaurant. We both deserved the night out, just as girls. We caught up and I asked her about what happened with Fahad the other night. She just told me that they were goofing off. Hmmm...

While we were munching down on our dessert, a familiar face spotted us and came over



Oh.. hey.. Haitham..

Halah Farah.. How are you ?

Couldn't be better..

Listen I've been meaning to call you but I've just been busy these past few weeks..

Exactly weeks. Listen if your not that interested in me just say it. I'm a big girl I can handle the truth. It's not like your the only guy in this city. You know what it's your loss anyways not mine. Oh and trust me buddy you are missing out!! Yup ya' herd me right. Your ---

Sweetie.. no.. stop ...

No it's ok. Let her go on.

You can rot in hell for all I care!!

Wow.. may I speak now ?

Whatever ..

I was at my uncles chalet. He'd gotten really sick and the whole family was there.

Oh...

Yeah oh.. So when you turn back into the adorable sweet girl I met at the beach, gimme a call. Goodbye ladies.

I just blew it didn't I ?

I wouldn't say blew it ...

Hadeel..

Oh honey you blew it big time !!



A few days later while I was at the clinic I asked about Bader and his sister, where they lived. No doubt they would have that type of information. And since I had a card that allowed me full access, I used it to enter the file room. I found his sisters file and wrote down their address. I guess you all know where I was headed next.

I was little nervous at first to just show up unexpected. But he had it coming for not returning any of my texts or calls.



How the hell did you find me ?

Wow.. you have an amazing house mashallah...

Hadeel..

I looked at your sisters file..

She snoops too..

Well do you blame me !!!

Shhhhhhhh!!! She's resting!!!

Oh thank god so she's ok !!!

Elmd7la rabi satr 3leeha.. she just needs some peace and quite for a while..

Where are your parent's ?

They went out to get a couple of things for my sister.

Awhh that's nice.

Is there a reason to why your here ?

I wanna know why your treating me this way.

I'm just following orders.

What orders? What are you talking about?

Your man asked me to stay away from you..

You guys barely spoke when you met !

He came in to shake my hand remember? And when he did, he told me to back the hell off.

I don't understand...

What's there not to understand? He wants me out of your life. Simple.

You could have just came and told me this.

Do you see me needing any more problems to handle in my life right now ?

I'm sorry Bader.

Listen I need to be getting up to my sister now. So when you've dealt with all of this, lemme know. Otherwise please don't contact me. I've got enough on my plate right now.


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Please comment.. ;(

7awoor, N:* , Love, Comatose, Doona ..

I wanna dedicate this post to you!

I know I haven't been there to comment as always and I apologize. But from now on inshallah I will.

So here it goes...



7awoor ..

No words!! Honestly no words!! I don't know what to say. With each post you write, you amaze me more and more. I'm hooked on your stories and am following them like CRAZY!! I love you and what you bring into the blog sphere. Your one hell of a writer and I'm damn proud to be a follower. Faman el jar7 really captured my heart and I'm so sad its coming to an end, but at the same time excited cause I know you have more and better stories yet to come. And the blog you just started in which all bloggers would get together and share their ideas.. well let me just say BRAVO! It was such a sweet thing you did and I for one fully appreciate it. Oo inshallah starting from now I will participate in those discussions. But I have to warn you, I do tend to babble on alot so beware. Hehehehhe !! Oh and the interview you recently posted was the sweetest most cutest thing!!! Y7lelkm.. Allah y5alekm el ba3ath inshallah. I'm so proud of you really I am. You have come a long way. I'm super excited for you to be started work as doctor. Allah ywafgk 7beebty oo yktblek kl el 5air. I love you so much !! ;********


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N:* ..

First of all I must say purple roses are my favorite too :$
Your story also captured my heart. I'm obsessed with it. And I'm impressed and loving your style of writing. I'm proud to also be a follower to such a talented writer :)
Your story deals with the truth about life. That not everything comes easy and that to get to your bliss.. you have to go through fire first. That's what I love so much about your story. And it tells me alot about you personality as well. I may not know you as well as I know some of the bloggers here bs 3ala6ool da5alti galbi. And Please don't stop writing. Haha funny as it may sound, I want this story to be over.. I'm just dying to know what you have in store for us next hehehe.. I love you ;**


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Love ..

Do you know how much I miss you ?!?!?! :(
Your stories, I'm craving for them.. You wrote about everything !!! Many of your stories always turn my brain on. It was you who inspired me to start my very own blog!! <3
I know you must be going through alot right now and I don't wanna pressure you but please come back soon.. get well and come back soon. Aham shay you take care of yourself. I'm loving your new story and cant wait to read the rest. Its different. Not like your other stories. I'm anxious for you to come back and I'll be waiting. Love you! ;**


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Comatose ..

3 words!! You are me !! Haha !! ;p
Wallah it's like when you write, a7s enah ana eb maknik..
I love your posts and the topics you choose to write about.
Although I love reading stories, this also caught my eye.
I was just passing through blogs when I came across your and just after reading the first post I immediately became a follower.
Keep up exactly what your doing.. do not change a thing! Everything is perfect just the way it is.
I love you ;**


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Doona ..

You free write which is what I love about you. Whatever comes to your mind, bad or good. You just open up your blog and write about it. I've noticed that your not afraid to express and write about whatever the hell it is you want. I may not be commented alot but neither have you ;p haha la wallah I'm joking. I will from now on inshallah. Please post more often. I miss your posts..
I love you ;**


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Many of my other bloggers I adore you all just as much.. la tz3aloon meni please ;******