The rain drops trickled down the window behind me. I felt the cold through the back of my head, filling my body. I was cold. It was such a cold place; an eerie place. The hard hospital chairs were aching my back and thigh muscles. I got up to stretch my legs. I couldn't handle the thought of sitting while he was in there, on the operating table.
Bader was in surgery.
My Bader.
I couldn't believe it.
We were just on the phone a few minutes ago, and then ....
Just thinking about it makes me naucious.
I wanted so bad to run in there and hold his hand. Alot of crazy thoughts were going through my head that time.
Any second now and I would to rush into the OR and scream!
I was scared, terrified that he may not make it.
What if something happend to him ? I mean this time he got lucky. But what about next time ?
I'm still so angry at him. He was in the middle of the street, he should have seen the car coming his way.
Also in a way I blame Msh3al. He could have told Bader to move out of the way. And at times I actualy think that Msh3al intended for Bader to get hit. Maybe I was being a bit paranoid, I don't know.
But all I know is that I have to see Bader soon. It's been two hours since they first took him in. I kept thinking about what they were doing in there. Was he hurt? No, cause then I remembered the gas.
Millions of unpleasant thoughts were rushing through my head. I just couldn't seem to think positive. I mean I don't know what I would have done if anything had happend to him.
I was going mad inside my head. Any second now and it would expolode.
Morning arrived and I woke up to the smell of fresh black american coffee in Msh3als hands.
Msh3al: Hala bl gamar...
Me: Mu wagtek abadan !
I pulled myself aggresively off the chair and started looking for a nurse.
Msh3al: Jenah sit down, eat something, your body's empty.... your pale !
Me: BAS ETRKNY EB 7ALI !
I then finaly found a nurse leaving a patients room. I hurried up to her.
Me: Excuse me, hi. I'm a friend of Bader Al - Flani.. could you pkease tell me which room they put him in. I fell asleep in the waiting room so...
The nurse escourted me into Bader's room.
First I took a deep breath then slowly walked in.
7ayati he was so helpless.. I couldn't.. I didin't want to see him like this. It literlay broke my heart. I just wanted to rush over to him and hold him in my arms.
He was lying there with a cast around his leg.
Scratches all over his face.
I was standing too far away to see what else had happend.
So I pulled a chari close to his bed side and sat. I wanted to remain that way for as long as it took, until I see those beautidul eyes look into mine again.
So there I was waiting and waiting.. hour after hour.
Msh3al kept begging me to come back home with him but I would continously refuse. I didn't want to leave Bader. I wanted to be the first thing he see's once he wakes up.
Msh3al said he would go back home to shower and rest. He would later be back the next day to check in.
He wasnt worriesd, knowing how I have this incontrolable act of helping others when their in need.
I was exhausted too, and wanted nothing more than to lay in my soft bed and drift off to sleep. But I couldn't. Not if Bader was like this.
If I were to sleep, it would be my head on his bedside.
If I were to eat it would be from the vending machine out in the hall.
If I were to shower, it would just be me using a wet cloth to wipe my forehead.
I didn't care. All I cared about was for Bader to get better.
I was putting his health before mine.
I wished I could take all the pain he was feelig and put it in me instead. He did not deserve this.
Nurse: Miss visiting hours are over.
Me: Oh no please no.. I'm staying the night.
Nurse: He's in real critical condition..
Me: I dont care please just let me stay the night.. PLEASE !
Nurse: Alright fine Miss... have a goodnight.
There was nothing else to do but wait.
I was in that tiny room just roaming around, my arms were crossed and all I kept on doing was praying to God for him. "Ya rab gawamo bl salamah"
Finaly I decided to give myself a break. I sat back on the chair and rested my head on Bader's bed side. I dozed off so fast, that's how tired I was. Up for five hours pacing around the room just waiting for him to wake up.
El 7mdelah he wasn't in a coma but just in a deep sleep. He would be awake soon said the nurse before she left the room.
At 12 el thohor the next day I got a light tap on the top of my head.
With a sudden shock I woke up to find Bader's eyes opend. There he was. He was looking straight at me. Those big beautiful eyes were looking into mine. I couldn't believe it!
He tapped twice on the bed signiling me to get in with him.
I got in and he put his left arm around me, his right hand was cupped on one side of my face.
He looked pale and so tired. It broke my heart seeing him like this.
Bader: Your here...
Me: I thought I lost you.
I started to tear up.
Bader: You could never lose me.
Me: How are you feeling ?
Bader: Having you in my arms.. I'm immune to absolutley anything.
Me: And you better stay immune !
Bader: Haha wla tz3aly..
Me: I thought I'd lost you, you know ?
Bader: It happend alls of a sudden Jenah. One minute I was talking to Msh3al, then the next...
Me: Answer me honestley, did he push you ?
Bader: No no ofcourse not ! Dont think that !
Me: Then I don't get it...
Bader: Yarabiii.. as I was on my way out of the house he was following me accusing me of the fight that broke out between you two. He though I told you. So we started arguing, and my car was across the street. I was crossing but then in th emiddle I stopped to tell him something then the next thing I know.. I end up here at the hospital.
Me: I'm just so happy your safe. I don't know what I would have done if I lost you...
Bader: You will never lose me. I will never let that happen. 5ala9 your apart of me Jenah. I love you.
Bad timing or what?
Just as he said those three little words, Msh3al walked in.
He was there this whole time listening to the words Bader and I were saying to eachother.
We both froze in our place as Msh3al walked in, put down the vase of flowers on the table and came towards us.
I could actualy see his vains popping out. I was so afraid. I've never seen him this upset before.
Msh3al: 7mdelah 3ala el salamah..
Bader: Allah yslmik...
Msh3al: Now if your done charming my wife, I'd like to take her home.
Me: Msh3al don't start please.. the guy's just woken up..
Msh3al: Yet he seems fully energized to hold you in his arms.
Bader: I'm sorry...
Msh3al: For what ? For loving my wife ? Hey I don't blame you...
Me: Is that supposed to be a joke or something?
Msh3al turned around and started to walk towards the door to leave.
Me: Now where are you going ?
Msh3al: You've got a decision to make Jenah. Let me know when you do.
Me: Well what if I cant ?
Msh3al: Well then I'll make it for you.
He walked out leaving me and Bader staring into deep space.
Bader: What do we do now ?
Me: I dont know about you but I'm up for a nice hot shower.
Bader: Jenah I'm seriouse.
Me: Yeah I am too.
Bader: This can't keep going on like this...
Me: I know.. but I like things the way they are.
Bader: Are you hearing yourself right now ?
Me: Pretty clear.
Bader: 7beebty you know this cant keep going on forever.
Me: Im not saying forever.. I'm just saying... hey wait.. this isnt any of your buisness ok! Just leave me alone.
Bader: I'm only trying to protect you. Even if you dont choose me I will understand. He's your husband. All I want is for you to be happy.
Me: Yeah well I dont know what I want anymore. So just stop it !
Bader: *sigh*Could you call the nurse in for me..
Me: Why what's wrong ?
Bader: I think the pain killers are starting to wear off...
Me: Yeah sure...
What the hell was his problem !
Thats all I kept thinking during my shower.
This is my life and I get to do whatever I want whenever I want.
Y3ni wsh ybeeni asawi ? Ma agdar aqarer.. is it my fault two amazing men are in my lives and I'm in love with both of them? No. This happened beyond my controle. And if I could turn back time and change it all I would...
But unfortunatley this is reality...
14 comments:
She needs to decideeee !!!!!!!!
Waiting for the next post.. Dnt take long :D
And I love ure blog :P
Hehe (A)
omg =\ .. that's a tough decision ! next post <33 <33
reality sucks , but its amazingly honest and great, we should be gratfull. to me honestly , that isnt a tough decision cuz nisaitay ina mish3al cheated on you ? okay you might have kind of done the same thing bs yours is different , you loved bader , oo im guessing you still do i mean he is everything mish3al isnt , w mish3al was just taking you for granted , how could he hurt you like this? ya3ni intay ma sawaitay nafs il thing ily sawa mish3al , you didnt cross the line , bs he did, atleast you knew your husband was there. ugh i hate him! if i were you i would have gotten a divorce with mish3al and tell him he can go and have that bitch cuz u dont care anymore , w take bader , anyways this is amazing! i love your blog:**
yallah 3ad heeh t7b badr =P w msh3al cheated on her
theres nothing much to decide shes being a drama queen =P
once i read the part abt mesh3al walking in i felt a tiny bit sorry for him
bs who cares !!!
she has to chooose bader!!!
love ya<3
~~heaven
woooooooooow plz lt her choose bader :D maskeeeeen :'( yaksir
5a6ri
luv u :***
G*
woooooooooow plz lt her choose bader :D maskeeeeen :'( yaksir
5a6ri
luv u :***
G*
where are you :( ?
check this adorable blog
http://thehollywoodstation.blogspot.com/
i think it's ur style.
waiting for the next post.
sho mistewee?
why arent you posting anymore?
we thought you'd be back to the often posting thing!
where's Dina that we love and adore?
we want her back!
plz bring her back!
cuz we miss her like crazy!!
SHE NEEDS TO CHOOSE BADER.
but hey, if she doesn't then hell with it- can I have him? :p
waiting for your next pooost!
badeeeer badeeer badeeerrr!! is it something to think about a9lan!
bader is the one that loves her soo much!! oo mish3al CHEATED on her!! is that soo hard!
PLLLLLZZZZZ POOOSSSSTTTT SOOONNN!!!!!!!!!!!!
7DIII 3LALAAAA E39ABBIIIII ABIII A3TIF WHO SHE CHOOSESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A3RIFFF**
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